maybe now is th right time.. but..who???

lol..its been so long d i haven't post anything in my blog..been damn too bz..n im just too tired d wif stuff happen in my life lately..

urmm..for all this time..
for almost 18 years..
i never really care about this love thingy..
i try to pull my self as far away from love..
i never want my self to stuck in love or relationship..
it just doesnt make sense to me..
i always ran away from love..
im just scared to put my self in any relationship..

and now.. i just have this funny feeling inside..for the first time i feel alone.. n im jealous when i saw my fren wif their bf/gf...i have no idea why..but i have to admit the feeling i felt inside me..and now i just too confused..

for all this time, i always be peoples cupid's..i always help ppl in their relationship..but not my own..i cant help myself in this case..and i dont know who can help me..

im just confused...

how am i suppose to know if i love someone?
what am i suppose to feel when im in love?
and how am i suppose to noe dat he is da right guy for me?

for all this while..when a guy fren which are close to me confess their love..
doesnt matter how close we used to be before..
but once he said he likes or loves me..
everything will just end like dat..pooooffff..
and i hate when dat happen..

im not being mean..but when a guy confess to me.. the only things dat pop up to my mind is..
can i trust him? do i really love him? how if it doesnt last?
i always try not to give any answer..n just act like usual..but it doesn't work dat way

i dont even know how it feels to be in love..how am i suppose to give any answer.. a yes or a no? coz i dont even noe what i feel for real to that person...is it love or wut? i just dont want to put my self in a relationship dat last fo like one month?? i want to be wif sumone im sure dat i love him n so do he and i noe our relationship can last long..

i just dont want to lost a friend because of love..
dats why i keep saying no till now eventhough i noe it hurts their feeling n sumhow, still our frenship will end coz of this..
n its just da same even if i gave a yes or a no..

somtimes i just wonder..
why friendship cant last longer but not relationship?
and do we have to lose a fren or a relationship?
i hate dat to happen..

n sometimes i just wish i could be everyone's fren so i wont hurt my self or anybody..

now..i dunnoe who to choose between them..its just hard n confusing..i duwan to hurt nobody..

n sumone tell me what is love??